Doubts of a mother
by soul-wanderer94
Summary: Emily & JJ get used to their family life with their newborn son and Emily is alone with him for the first time since he is born. While waiting for JJ to return home insecurities plague her but JJ knows exactly how to reassure in times of doubt. A Jemily one-shot with baby feels and fluff!


**Since this is one of my longer JJ/Emily one-shots I decided to upload it here as well because I feel uncomfortable posting the shorter ones. I might think of a solution though.  
Anyway, enjoy reading and make me happy with a review (:**

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"I have to go now Em, we don't want to leave Hotch waiting." JJ was in a haste and planted a quick kiss onto her son's head before leaning in to give Emily a sloppy kiss as well.  
Today was her meeting with Hotch where they would talk about her future at the BAU while having to take care of a child as well.  
Ever since she and Emily had decided that JJ would carry their first child it had been clear that Emily would continue working mostly full-time while JJ tried to work a little less in favour of staying with the baby.  
At the moment both of them were still at home with their son, thanks to the help of Hotch and the team, but soon enough they had to find a more permanent solution to manage their family life with both of them working for the BAU.

Today was also the first time Emily was alone with their son and she had been quite worried that she couldn't handle all of this on her own.  
Once the door had been closed behind JJ the anxiety took over again as she walked back towards the living room with Milo cradled against her chest but she didn't even reach it when he started wailing, effectively making Emily feel more uneasy than before.

"Oh hey, there's no need to cry baby, mummy will be back soon." She tried to calm him down while ever so gently bouncing him up and down while walking around the living area in circles.  
When she realized that it wasn't going to help she went into the bedroom to lie down on the bed with him and let him rest on her bare chest as it was something that usually calmed him down when JJ did this.  
Safely cradling him in her arms she wrapped his baby blanket around him and started humming, hoping it would have it's desired effect.

It took her a few more minutes before he finally started calming down and his wails were replaced by smaller cries but it still got to her to feel so helpless while her son was obviously unhappy for some reason.  
"Oh Milo it would do you good to calm down a little." She sighed and decided to get his pacifier, something they rarely used but right now it seemed to be a good idea to help him settle down.  
Slowly sitting up she reached for the bedside table where the pacifier was resting and as soon as he started sucking on it the crying subsided and she was able to gently place him next to her on the bed, the blanket still wrapped around his tiny body while he was clasping Emily's fingers.

"That's good now, isn't it?" Emily took a deep breath as she watched him relaxing with her resting next to him and she was glad that the outburst seemed to be over for now.  
As she was lying there, watching Milo, her thoughts started to wander and she wondered if she would ever be as good as a mother as JJ was.  
Of course she loved their son with all of her heart but it was days like this that made her realize that she still struggled with the new situation and it made her sad because she didn't want to disappoint JJ or leave her alone in this.  
"How are the two of us going to manage this, hmm? I think we need to work on a plan Milo." Emily started quietly talking to her son and smiled when he turned his head towards the direction her voice came from.

"I think you're doing a great job." Came a voice from the door and Emily's eyes shot up to see JJ standing there with a smile on her face.  
"Oh hey, I didn't notice you coming home." Emily's voice was still quiet as to not startle their son and she looked at JJ a little insecure.  
"I tried to be quiet because I didn't know if Milo was sleeping." JJ approached the bed and leaned down to kiss her wife before settling down next to them causing Milo to immediately turn his head towards her.  
"Not a chance. He was crying until a few minutes ago." Emily's sigh was heavy and JJ could tell that something was on her mind while telling her this.  
"It seems like he is quite comfortable right now though, besides being hungry that is." JJ let out a small laugh as she noticed the telltale signs he was displaying as he started fussing when he noticed that she was close.  
"Yeah, I guess it's good that you're back home now." It was clear that Emily was referring to more than the appetite of their son but JJ decided to let go of it until she wanted to talk about it.

Picking up Milo JJ rested against the headboard and while Emily mirrored her position she lifted her shirt and opened her bra and helped her son latch on before slightly leaning into the brunette's side.  
"He started crying right after you left." Emily's voice was small as she watched their son nursing greedily and JJ could tell that she was close to tears when she told her this.  
"It's alright Em, he is just not used to me leaving yet. This was the very first time after all." JJ tried to soothe her wife's nerves, knowing she felt responsible for the situation.  
"It was just…I felt so helpless because nothing would calm him down at first." Emily's voice remained quiet but was wavering ever so slightly as she spoke the words.  
"I'm sorry you felt this way." JJ now carefully took one of Emily's hands in hers and waited until she made eye contact with her.

"You're doing a great job Em, trust me. You love him with all of your heart and you care about him and make sure he's safe and happy. There will always be times where he is upset but that's normal and the only thing that matters is that you are there for him when he needs you." JJ reassured her and brushed her thumb across her knuckles, hoping Emily would believe her.  
After taking a few deeps breaths and contemplating her words Emily finally spoke up again.  
"Thank you, I really needed that. I guess the situation just got the best of me." She let out another small sigh before adding "I love you JJ, more than you can imagine." At this JJ had to smile and she happily leaned in when Emily leaned over to kiss her ever so gently and the tension started leaving her body.  
"I love you too Em, and I think I got a pretty good idea of just how much you love me." JJ's reply caused both of them to smirk and it made Emily certain that together they were going to be just fine because they would always be there for each other and their son.


End file.
